Roasting a cat

For anyone interested I am toying with the idea of roasting the cat this afternoon.

The sun is shining and the sky is blue and it will be a good afternoon to light up the pile of leaves and the remains of the Christmas tree that is waiting in a corner of the garden. I can truss him up and shove something sharp up his backside and sit him on top. He will fight, of course, and there will be scratches and bites and I have no doubt plenty of blood. But there will be a certain amount of satisfaction and people will be able to come to the house without being seduced by his affectionate ways  before he turns to take a lump out of the.

I had cheered myself up earlier with a trip to Grange Electrical. I presented them with the spent fluorescent light tube that has been flickering in the basement for the last six months. I was further cheered when I found that I was going to be served by the father, and not the son (or I least I think he’s the son).

‘Do you have one of these?’ I asked.

He looked at it dolefully and shook his head.

‘Ah no sir. Sir we have not had those for a long time. I am sorry sir no.’

I looked at the shelves behind him creaking with the weight of contraband light-bulbs.

“But sir, sir, help his hand. If sir would only look up.’ He lifted his head and we both looked at the lights in the shop. They were all fluorescent tubes.

‘You see sir they are like yours but thinner. They don’t make these any more they are too thick sir. But now they make them thinner. Energy efficient sir. Look sir you look at those, they are like yours but thinner. And if sir looks over here,’ he pointed his hand to the ceiling in the corner of the shop, ‘ you will see sir an old one like yours. Sir if you wait I will go get you a thin one.’

He went into the back of the shop and got me one. £4.99.

I then depressed myself by going to PC World to talk about laptops and water. The eager young man was only too happy to tell me there was not too much that could be done with water damage. They could take it away for 14 days but with the parts etc i will want to get myself a new one otherwise it will be £50.

Lunch is lamb chops and mushrooms. I m the only one here with the cats.

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