‘Feck but mackerel are a bastard fish. There’s no telling if they’re in the water or not. If they’re not coming out then there is feck all to do but pack your boat and go home but if they are there then there’s no stopping them coming and the bottom of your boat will be thick with them.’

‘And there is no feckin’ point writing a book on them. What are you going to do with the paper? Take it out on the water with you so the pages get damp as soon as you open the thing. Who here is going to stay at home, sit up in their bed and read a book about mackerel. You could do better and write a book about the world. You’ll have more to say and the more that you have to say the more people will read it.’

‘Give me the pile of paper and I’ll read it for you and tell you straight down the middle what you’ve got wrong and there will be some of that because you’re not going to get everything right about a fish. I’ll say a dead fish is like the book you’re trying to put together, slippery and gone just when you want it.’

‘Give it to me and I’ll read it and put the whole feckin’ thing back to bed.’